It feels spiritually refreshing to attend a church that teaches directly from the Bible. I know I don’t come from the same walk of life as many of the people there, but that’s partly why I love it so much. It makes me feel like a young (non-pill-popping) Johnny Cash, dressed in all black, sitting in the back with my son, sticking out like sore thumbs. Yet, one thing I love—and know more than anything else in this life—is Scripture. I adore seeing people from all walks of life striving to follow God. I never tire of those words: the Old Testament genealogies, the barroom hymns, and all of it. I know that book like it’s an extension of my being—sometimes so well that it feels almost unnatural. I often wonder if the older folks sitting behind me notice that I turn to the pages in the church program before the pastor even announces the chapter, completely synchronized with the Holy Spirit before I even walk through the door. I wonder if they can read the Hebrew name on the back of my neck and understand its meaning.
Today, I want to reflect on a few things one of the pastors said, as I believe they are of utmost importance. But first, let me share some context about my journey.
My Struggle with Authority and Rebellion
Part of the reason I became so rebellious over the years and struggled with authority stems from being systematically targeted by law enforcement. Cops robbed me blind to the point where I couldn’t even get to my jobs. It only escalated from there. At the time, I didn’t have a support system in my family or among friends, so social media became my only outlet to connect with people. But I had to operate through a backdoor because I was so discredited.
I don’t regret everything I did media-wise, though admittedly, nothing really changed in the grand scheme of things. I didn’t prevent any proxy wars (well, maybe that one dark winter with Russia in 2016, lol). Divorce rates have soared to the point where marriage barely exists anymore. Flint, Michigan, is still Flint. There’s been zero progress in police reform. Bitcoin became Larry Fink International, and big pharma is bigger than ever. It was a slow build to try to re-moralize the population, and I had to get my hands dirtier than I ever anticipated. There’s no industry more satanic than the underbelly of media. Just to get to this point of having a somewhat open dialogue, it took me over 15 years of creating and redirecting preexisting narratives through SMO and SEO, automating their delivery to specific locations and times.
One thing I can say, despite all the sins I’ve committed and deeply regret, is that I’ve never taken a bribe—and believe me, I had plenty of offers, lol. I had all of Israel at my feet.
A Universal Problem, Different Names
Even though everyone in America is screaming about different things right now, thinking we’re all enemies, I wish they could take a step back and realize they’re all saying the same thing. At least for now, they all recognize there’s a universal problem at hand—they just call it by different names.
So here I am, regretting so many of my words—even half of what I’ve written just now—and the time I wasted on activism when I could’ve just hired a lawyer, walked away, made cool comic books like Spawn, and been done with it.
The Power of Prayer and Reconciliation
One of the pastors said today, “If we spent as much time praying for our leaders—no matter how corrupt they are—as we do complaining about them, God could work His true love and power in the world.”
I know this to be true because when I was 14, I was close to pre-Columbine-ing my middle school and myself with a knife. But God had a different plan. That night, I saw His Son’s face in the clouds, heard the majestic voice confirming it was Him, and was called out of darkness. I showed up to school on Monday with a whole new swagger. I even started speaking in tongues, making the goth kids jealous. I experienced God’s love intervening for me—a love I’d never felt before. I know it sounds typical, maybe even insane or blasphemous to some, but I’m still here, and I still believe and trust in God more than I trust the ground beneath me. I asked God to turn the kids who were hazing me into my best friends. My hit list turned into a salvation list, lol. All those prayers were answered. The remaining kids who didn’t find God went from hazing me to running from me because they knew my passion was irresistible. Maybe they found me annoying or a little scary, but people would fall to the ground, cut to the heart. No one could deny I had seen God; He was with me. My whole community found God. By age 20, I had become something like a cult leader. We fed the homeless, broke bread together, and everyone was baptized in the Holy Spirit, praying in tongues. This really happened.
Rediscovering Passion and Purpose
I miss that part of me—the part that had passion and no thought of the future, my eyes fixed solely on doing God’s will. I’m slowly going back to that. I’ve just been so hurt and discouraged over the years that it took me a very long time to truly step foot in a church again, let alone genuinely want to be part of the communal, visible body of Christ. But man, am I thankful. So many things my heart desired—good, God-honoring things—have come back around and come true for the better. Like the fact that my son wants to go to church with me, and even though I don’t make much money, we get to spend time doing creative things together: making comic books, going to the gym, and developing video games in Python.
I’ve also reconciled with my family, and people in general have a better understanding of how economics works now. The world isn’t as black and white as so many once presumed. In fact, I’d say most people think like me now. There are only a small few remaining who lack empathy for the unnecessary suffering that exists in the world.
Wisdom from Proverbs
The other thing the pastor said was from Proverbs 15:1-2 (ESV):
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.
If I were to apply this now with the police, given the state of mind everyone’s in, I think it’s possible I could talk my way out of a ticket. Even when I speak to phone reps from India and start to lose my temper, I just have to remember to smile, say, “Never mind, have a nice day, God bless,” and try DeepSeek AI for the answer.
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