I can't think straight when I don't have sex.

In my Feels...

I wrote this while sexually frustrated, please disregard it all lol.

Saving for my own reflection purposes, realized I have a complex, and interpret everything as rejection.

I can't think straight when I don't have sex.

I've been shamed and demonized in past relationships for being hyper sexual.

I've been shamed for putting too much emphases on sex, which lead to fighting.

So, I can't help but to feel rejected when I don't get pursued by my lover.

Having a past history of being misunderstood with no support system; having a different set of values than many, and being labeled crazy for those values, I can't risk allowing myself to be placed in stressful environments.

I don't assume my lover would lie about health problems, but health problems also stem from a state of mind.

Even if one is not in-tune with themselves, body language, and little things being said lead me to believe it’s a resentment issue going on.

I fear to express myself because I don't want to cause a fight. Sometimes, my lover snaps at me when I try to talk about my feelings.

I feel uncomfortable and alone. I don't want cuddles or hugs when I feel rejected sexually, it makes me feel like my lover and I are just friends.

It makes me also feel like she’s trying to push me away on purpose.

She said our date today was great; but I’ve gone on nice dinner dates with lovers in the past, only for them to breakup with me, or confess cheating on me out of the blue.

I put on this facade that I can trust women, and that everything is not about money, but I’m kinda turning cold again.

The American way of life has turned me into a diseased rat, I can’t trust anyone, or believe anything anyone says. Every aspect of my life has been silenced for so long, everything has been backwards for too long. I just just want Russia to gut this country already!

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